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I was having a tough time trying to think of a good faith blog post for today. Then I thought about my crazy hectic weekend and how I have been feeling lately. I've been so miserable and irritable. Every little thing sets me off.





It is difficult for me to try to find myself out here in California. The move across country has left me homesick and depressed. After living in Wisconsin for nearly 30 years I am finding the culture out here very different. There are a lot more people here than back home. I never liked crowds and out in California they can not be avoided.

My depression and homesickness and how I've been dealing with those feelings is having a negative effect on my family. I know that only God will be able to help me through all of this.



I had a good weekend but for some reason I am still miserable. Yesterday I was frustrated because my husband and father-in-law decided to fix our sink and run out to my sister-in-laws. I wanted to get the laundry folded and put away but instead I had to look after the children. I shouldn't get upset about this but I did. Then my husband tried to help by folding the laundry later that evening. He also tried to put the kids' clothes away. I became extremely frustrated when I saw all of Conan's outfits were mixed up, mis-matched and stuffed in his dresser drawers. I know he had good intentions but face it, he's a man and does not know how to put together outfits. Now this week when we are working overtime once again I will not be able to find clothes for my kids. I know I should be happy but for some reason I am not. After all, he did want to help.

I cooked dinner last night. (usually my husband is my resident chef.) That was fine. Then I got a terrible migraine headache that did not go away until late this
afternoon. When we got home from mass this morning I just wanted to lay down. By the time I changed my clothes and was getting ready to lay down my husband was already out in the back yard mowing the lawn. And the kids were hungry for lunch. Guess who had to fix lunch instead of laying down? Chris told me that he was going to mow the lawn after church but I didn't know that he wanted to mow right after church. I flew off the handle a little bit and probably shouldn't have. Again I need the Lord to help me control my anger and frustrations. Maybe I need to see a therapist too.

When I was a kid I was diagnosed with depression and mild anxiety. As an adult I think that my anxiety has gotten worse and I still suffer from depression. Now that my husband and I are working full time we finally can afford for me to go see someone about my depression. Our health insurance kicks in in October. I know I should check and see if it covers treatment for mental illness.

I am having a tough time with my marriage as well. I know it has to do with my depression. When my husband and I attended Retrouvaille I learned that I need to learn how to love myself before I can learn to love my husband again. We are still working on that.